Woman Up: Make Equal Pay Laws Obsolete

Huffington Post piece Original Post: 

I propose a law that all women are treated with respect while dating or courting of any kind. Women do not respect themselves enough to demand this, so we need a law crafted by state legislators to demand they are respected.

This is absurd because everyone knows a woman with even a little self-respect is not giving her “talents” away without demanding respect. Apply this same logic to the workplace.

607477459

As a performance coach, none of my clients are paid less than their counterparts. They do equal or better work and they demand more than their counterparts in pay and raises. If you are doing equal or better work, why are you not demanding respect before you give away your talents?

You may not be paid fairly or promoted because you don’t demand it. There really can’t be any other explanation. Employers don’t say, “Great job. Here’s the money you deserve.” If they do, it’s less than you probably deserve.

How can you know if you are being treated fairly at work? Are you invited to meetings? Are you given credit for big projects? While equability starts with pay, it’s as much an attitude and an experience as it is a number.

If this is you, let’s examine how you got here. The guys shamelessly promote themselves. They work side deals with the boss for added pay or responsibility. They greet a routine annual cost of living bump in pay with anger rather than just smiling and thanking the boss. If the men are shameless and aggressive, why aren’t you?

I am not wired like that... shouldn’t I just get paid for my hard work without a fight?

No. You won’t be given anything without asking. In fact, some companies may count on you not asking to increase their profits. This may be wrong of them, but it’s more wrong of you to not demand the extra percentage raise that can go towards summer camp for your kid or a trip to see your mom.

But men just have a different make up.

The only thing different is their belief that they deserve it. Anyone can take on the same beliefs men use to get ahead. Here they are: confidence, self-worth, self-respect, belief in their skills, and a personal sense of value. A second part of this is that men who are ruthless in getting promotions are also ruthless for the company. It’s the ruthlessness being promoted, not their sex.

Why am I unwilling to leave my comfort zone?

You are a feminine energy person - which is amazing. Understand the tricks to using feminine energy to get all that you want. While you’re at it, look at things from a different, more masculine, perspective for a minute so you understand what you are working against. Read more on masculine vs. feminine on my site.

One of the key elements of feminine energy is shrinking when challenged. If you put yourself out for a promotion and get passed over, you will really feel it more than most men. You then set an emotional response to the situation to ensure you never forget that feeling or that moment. This is a protection mechanism to ensure you don’t get hurt again by doing the same thing that got you hurt in the first place. It makes sense and it’s also a trap for women in the workforce.

On the flip side, a “leave the past behind” attitude can be attributed to a masculine energy (or the boss). They also love to be challenged. They love to be the one to solve problems. I am sure you have said to a man, “I don’t want you to solve it. I just want you to listen.” Men also let things go like boys after a basketball matchup with a “good game man.” So when you are upset about losing a promotion, it’s not even a memory for your boss.

Use this polarity at work to your advantage. If you get shot down, you can’t hold on to the disappointment so strongly that you never ask for a raise or promotion again. Understand that it’s just a natural feeling that’s working against you in this instance and push past it by working the feminine energy to your advantage. Or better yet, look for another place to go and bring them a competing offer.

But a Pay Equality Law sounds good, and will make my life easier.

No law will do what you should already be doing for yourself. Will it mandate woman have confidence in their personal talents and demand more respect? Do we want our daughters and granddaughters relying on a law or their own self-worth?

You don’t need a law demanding someone treat you well before you give them your time in a romantic sense. You don’t need a law saying that the local Piggly Wiggly deli counter clerk will treat you fairly before you shop there again. These laws are inherent within every woman, so let’s apply them to work.

It is all on you, ladies. It’s your obligation to only work at places that treat people well. It’s also on you to take to social media, or glassdoor.com, to say, “they treat people poorly.” This is the glass ceiling to break, however, it’s also on all of us to listen and withhold support and dollars from these companies.

Luckily, with the launch of Bloomberg’s Financial Services Gender Equality Indexwe can note where women are respected and help support their fight for their due in one industry.

Go Get It! 6 Job Interview Tips

Feel like it’s time to change life up a bit?  Are you ready for a new career or an internal promotion? If you don't know where to start, some coaching will help you. If you are ready, here are 6 tips on how to impress the interviewers!

157422155
  1. Show your interest in the position and the company.  It will be harder for them to tell you "no" and the person most excited about the position will get the job. Playing it too "cool" will get you in the middle of the list of applicants.  Feel free to say, "I really want this position." Do it in your own way, but make sure you are being real and vulnerable.  Talk like you are excited to get the job. Put yourself emotionally out there for the interveners to potentially crash your dream. Tell people you know that you want this job. Follow up with the interviewers without worry about being a pest, because the job is yours. Worst case for you, you don’t get that job, but they may want you for another one. If you feel you are being over eager, imagine a single mother looking for work.  Would you feel harassed if you were the hiring manager and this woman really really wanted the job?  No, you can easily forgive over excitement. You cannot forgive lack of enthusiasm. So make it hard for them to tell you to "piss off" and lay your cards out. You can still negotiate your pay with ease after you they make you an offer.

  2. Be yourself. If you put on a total act of what you think they want, you may get the job, but you will not be happy in the position when your true self comes out. They may not like the real you either.  Imagine being in a marriage where you were always someone you are not.  It would eventually make you sick or suicidal.  Don’t let work become a bad relationship. So, how can you be yourself more in interviews?  Laugh at what you think is funny. Talk about things that you are you are really interested. Ask questions you would ask anyone you are getting to know. (Do you live around this part of town or do you have a commute? How has your experience been in the company related to ____?)

  3. Dress for the part.  One of my favorite clichés is “Don’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.”  Looks are another person’s first impression of you, so you should wear appropriate business attire that fits and flatters you.  Make sure your hair is neat and that you give off a look of well-maintained confidence. Rule of thumb, go one level above what you think they will be wearing. They don’t wear ties; you wear a tie.  They wear jeans, wear dress slacks, etc.

  4. Make sure you know about the company.  Create a folder with all the information you want to read up on the company. Make notes, highlight things, and bring the folder with you to the interview. Show them know you are taking them very seriously.  One of the most impressive things you can do is show that you know about the company and the role.  You know what they do, their culture, their mission, a little bit of history even.  When you get to your interview, work some of your knowledge into your answers.  You may get lucky, a lot of job interviews nowadays start with “So what do you know about us?” That is when you KNOCK THEIR SOCKS OFF!  Showing that you can do research and close a deal is a great way to show them you can do that for the company.

  5. After an interview, always let them know you appreciate the time interviewing.  This also reinforces to the potential employer your interest in the job.  You can also use this to address any questions or concerns that may have come up or what you felt was exciting about the prospect of working for them.  Don’t make it too long, an email that gets to the point will do. Finally, don't over think the email. 

  6. If you have a meal or drink with a potential employer, they are looking for your interpersonal skills, how you behave and how you carry yourself. Remember the simple basics: dress professionally, don't put your elbows on the table or talk with your mouth full. Say “please” and “thank you” for anything. Do not order alcohol on your own.  If the host orders a bottle of wine, limit yourself to one glass. Treat restaurant staff with respect. It is also important that you stay relaxed and interact not only with your interviewer but with all that are in attendance.

Job interviews can be stressful, but as much as the fear of judgment, rejection and the change that will come with a new position may want to keep you from attempting, DO NOT LET IT! If it will better you, your family and your situation, go for it!  You have as good a chance as anyone else. One thing that people always regret is not trying, because then they are left to wonder for the rest of their lives, “what if.”  So go for it!! 

Stop Being a Professional Child!

Huffington Post Business Original Post: 

Have you ever felt like some people you work with act like spoiled children as opposed to professional adults? Now ask yourself, are you one of those people? Sometimes being self aware enough to realize you’re a professional child is not easy, unless, maybe you are Pee-wee Herman. Believe it or not, the shift to adulthood in the workplace comes from within, not time at a company or “hard work.” It’s all about how you approach your career and your daily work. .

158638400

There was a time in my late twenties and even early thirties, before I was a Coach, when I would commiserate with friends about our bosses. We all had constant gripes about micromanagement, not enough pay, and ridiculous expectations. At some point, the switch happened. In my bitch fests with friends, the focus turned to who worked for us and the ways they weren’t moving the ball forward.

The difference in these two states of employment is the latter is a discussion among adults. We all understood what our function was in our respective businesses. We figured out how to move business and work in a way that we were in charge of our own fates. With that switch came more responsibility and, yes, management of people. What company wouldn’t want more adults working for them to train others, right?

Notice, the switch didn’t come from time or energy. It didn’t happen because of blood sweat and tears. Nor did this shift come from super-duper focus on work to the exclusion of life balance. It didn’t happen because someone was miserable in their job. So you skipping that date to work late is not getting you promoted.

Signs you may be a “Child” at work - beside the boss putting a pacifier in your mouth:

  • You spend mental energy frustrated with your boss/management rather than really understanding his/her mission.
  • Younger/less experienced people are promoted above you.
  • You’re not invited to present at meetings because your boss is presenting.
  • Meetings with your boss are more instructional or accountable than friendly.
  • Colleagues value you as a key person to commiserate with on work problems - they know you can relate.
  • You work long hours because you have to - rather than because you want to.
  • The common underlying tone to your boss’ instruction is, “because I said so.”

Signs you are an “Adult” or at least a teenager at your job:

  • You’re managing people (or being groomed to manage) and larger projects affecting the bottom line of the business with multiple people.
  • You’re in sync with your boss on most issues.
  • You value direction from the boss as a nice break from making so many decisions.
  • People at work value you as someone to talk to about being successful.
  • If you left, or took a vacation, your boss would be pissed off because their workload would increase considerably - not that you don’t deserve a nice vacation!
  • Your boss invites you to take part in higher level meetings when appropriate and gives you credit.
  • The boss and management treat you as a colleague. They have friendly chats with you about non-work related items - or about big things going on in the business.
  • People above you are excited to hear your thoughts.

How do you make the shift? Well, for one, grow up. Change your thinking about work. Are you making your boss’ life easier? Are you working to create something or working to rack up hours? Shift your projects, by better understanding what your boss or the management is trying to accomplish. Change jobs or even the company you work for and move where you can have a fresh start and people can treat you like an adult - until you act childish of course.

If you feel like you don’t know where to start, you may need a coach to help you. Most of the actions I coach people through on this subject are really to fix the things that are blocking their success. I believe the universe is trying to give them what they want. It’s just hard to get past the BS we all create sometimes.

Career Advice: Get Over Fear to Land the Perfect Job

Career Advice: Get Over Fear to Land the Perfect Job

When it’s your career, you cannot let anything hold you back or bring you down. Moreover, if the thing that is holding you back is fear, it is definitely a big ‘NO’. Fear of failure is more common for those who aspire to have a career in a non-traditional industry. They need to know, it is not possible to have the odds in your favor all the time.  It’s important to be ready to put in effort to get the results you want. 

Top 4 “I don’t Want Coaching” Excuses!

I love being a coach.  My mission is to give the gifts I’ve developed as a coach to as many people as possible so they can realize the profound changes I have seen through coaching in my life and the lives of my clients.  What’s stopping people from signing up?  It’s the same reasons why people are stumbling and stagnating in life.  Here are the most popular four:

My life is pretty good right now….

I don’t really have anything in my life that can be better.  My health, weight, romantic relationship, friendships, work, finances, and everyday joy is thriving on all counts.  

Really? I actually love coaching this type of client. These people have got it together enough that they end up thriving in ways they never dreamed.  These clients often worry about upsetting the apple cart in life.  Here is a little secret, there is no apple cart in life. Once they give coaching a chance they are so impressed by the coaching experience because their lives become measurably better than “pretty good.”  Of course they are the ones doing the work. They change their frame of reference and try new approaches in which they they focus their energies.  I never mind kudos from my clients, but these are not my changes, they are theirs.

I don’t see how I could spend the money on coaching.

With this, that, and the other things… I can't see how I could budget for someone to help make my life better.  Wouldn’t savings money benefit my life more than spending money on a coach?

These clients are right. They can’t see how improving themselves makes them more money.  They cannot see past a modest monthly fee, because their cash flow may not support expenditures beyond basic living needs. This is the problem.  ALL, let me state this again, ALL of my clients make more money after having been coached.  Some have even seen 100% increases in their income. Some have been able to quit their 9-5 jobs to do other more exciting things. So for the few who cannot see the forest through the trees, give up, pitch a tent and hunker down next to the tree in front of you.

Recently one client was really stressed out by his coaching experience. He is a successful realtor who had to make some changes from a 24/7 focus on his career.  He started taking his dating life seriously, took a lengthy class to become a real-estate broker, committed to working out three times a week, took the proper time for meals, and started looking into investment properties outside of his real-estate business. He was really impressive. He made all these changes in one month. The result? He had the best month financially in his 15 year professional career!  It pays to put you first!

I really dont want to own up to ...

We can all fill in the blank here:  

  • I have an abusive work/personal relationship that I cannot imagine moving away from.

  • I know my concept of money and spending is flawed. I’m embarrassed to shine the light on my dirty secrets.  

  • If I start to poke around at my life, I’ll have to deal with something I’ve been putting off for a long time.

It’s really not that difficult.  All relationships can be changed in a matter of days. My clients shift the energy they give to relationships. Others instantly start to treat them differently. I have too many stories to recount of clients who go from a potentially dead end marriage or work relationship to having thriving and very happy relationships.  

Your boss keeps you down and treats you poorly?  Easy fix!  You and your spouse never have sex anymore?  Easy fix!  You had a fight years ago with a family member and you are still holding on to it?  Easy fix!

I have no time.

I have no time to get my hair done or even work out.  How can I find time to talk with a coach an hour or so a week?

Yes, people pleasers, you do have time. You need to be able to say the words, “You tired mommy out, mommy needs a break” without feeling like you are a bad parent.  Or, “No I am not interested in going to see the art exhibit tonight with you, I want to go home and work on my own art project.”

This is simple. What will your child grow up to expect of his wife or the mother of his kids?  Someone who cannot make time to get a massage or her hair done?  

Guys, you are not off the hook either.  Are able to say to your boss, “I am leaving now, little Rose has tee-ball practice tonight?”  Or, do you say this to your significant other (actually heard on the streets of NYC), “I work in finance, I don't get off at 5:30 or 6, I get off when they say I can go home.”  Either way, you will have a significant change in your life when you start to put yourself first.

Coaching is the most important hour or so of your week. You set forth your intentions for your life, for your family, and for your happiness.  You are coming up with a game plan to be proactive in life rather than always reacting to the pressures others place on you.  How could you miss out on this part of your week?  It’s like going up on your cessna without checking the fuel line, propeller, safety gear or tires.  This is done sometimes but it’s not advisable!!!

Just think, is it possible that some of the crap you are doing may not be getting you where you want, to be?

Things You Can Try To be More Moneywise

It’s a couple of weeks into the New Year. Your resolution to be more fiscally responsible is proving more difficult than you thought.Due to life circumstances or the way you were raised can have a lot to do with financial responsibility or irresponsibility and that’s nobody’s fault, we all need to learn.Here are some things you can try to get ahead and save some dough for your future.

Success in the New Year

Success in the New Year

It’s already two days into the New Year.  How did yesterday fair for you?  Most people probably took it easy to nurse their hangover or to rest after staying up or out too late.  Forgive yourself for being a bum yesterday, if that’s what you were doing.  However, today is the second, you (should be) hangover free and be getting yourself psyched up for a brand new year at work starting Monday