Breaking up is Hard to do

Breakups can be traumatic, especially if you are the one getting your heart crushed.  It’s easy to feel that you are at fault and want to blame yourself for it.  Truth is, in 99% of relationships it is never one person’s fault.  Breaking up is a normal part of life until you find your “forever” person.

After a break up it is normal to feel a void and loneliness.  The person you once did everything with is gone.  No matter how lonely you get, try your super hardest not to contact your ex. Oh, and the idea of staying friends after a break up, is a great idea.  Until you try it.  9 times out of 10 all it will do is bring you more pain, resentment and sadness, leading you to feel broken up with all over again.  The best thing you can do is toughen up, Buttercup and heal so you can move on to the NBT (Next Big Thing!).  Once you have done that and put distance between you two, you will have an opportunity for a friendship.

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Allowing yourself to feel sad, angry, shocked, and disappointed and a sense of loss is normal.  You are grieving.  You have every right to feel all of those feelings and a few I left out.  Now don’t go all Carrie Underwood on you ex’s vehicle, but do allow yourself to acknowledge your emotions and then let them go.  Especially when you are alone, these feelings will creep into your head, taking you with them.  Get a journal.  This is a great way to vent and get out of your head for a while.  Write down what you feel and why.  Also try to write down some things you learned about yourself and relationships in general.  This can help you see what you could change about yourself, what you do or do not want and/or what you will or will not put up with in your next relationship, which leads me directly into my next point.

Just because some jerk broke your heart does not mean you should give up on love and relationships in the future or lose the hope of finding someone better.  We all go through that angry phase of f&%# the opposite sex after our hearts have been ripped out, but that should eventually subside and you should be back out there, full of confidence and love to give sometime in the future.

There is no time frame for getting over heartache.  Do not pressure yourself to do it in an amount of time.  It could take days, weeks, months, depending on how emotionally invested you were in the relationship and that’s ok.  Nurture yourself during this time.  Do things to help you relax; exercise, books, movies, baths, hobbies, naps, whatever helps keep you relaxed and helps you get through those sometimes overwhelming feelings associated with the stages of grief.  Do your best to continue eating properly and sleeping enough.  Keep taking care of yourself.

The worst times after a break up are night time and the weekends.  When your job isn’t keeping you occupied.  Plan in advance activities with friends or family that you like to do and that will keep your mind off your pain and allow you to let go and have some fun. 

If you are having a really tough time, there is no shame in talking to someone about it or talking to your doctor about medications or supplements that may help with any depression, anxiety or loss of sleep you may experience through this tough transition.  No shame at all.  Once you begin to move on and see the world in a brighter light, the need for the medication will be gone.

Closure is another things people often seek.  Have closure in your own head.  The need for closure is in your head to begin with.  Ask the question and think about the answers to your questions from the other person’s perspective.  Do you know the answers?  Can you think of the options of what they might be?  Try to process all this in your head first and see if you need that closure after all.  Often clients do this and ultimately have nothing to say in their closure conversation in their head.  So much for the “need” for closure.

It will take time to get over your broken heart.  Just remember you are not alone (although it is perfectly natural to feel like you are.)  We have all gone through it and this is going to make you a better, stronger, SMARTER person if you let it.  Besides, I always like to quote Wynona Judd when I think of my exes “There is no better revenge than living a good life.”  Beauty of that, it applies not only to your exes, but to any haters. It may be hard for a while, but in the end you are going to be just fine!