Have you ever been really hungry? Starving? If so, you know how committed you have been to finding food. You could eat just about anything. We can all relate to this concept. Even Victor Hugo could relate. Les Miserable's main character was convicted of stealing bread for his family.
How starved are you for a committed relationship? Do you have someone in your life that is like an IV drip or a constant supply of porridge (like Oliver Twist) keeping you from being really starved? This person, or people, gives you just enough attention to keep you from feeling desperate for a relationship, but their attention is not satisfying and doesn’t give you what you need.
I challenge you to kick the porridge habit and lean into the starvation. We all have an ex we could potentially fall back on. Some people keep someone waiting in the wings in case they can’t find true love. One of my clients even had the idea that her parents could arrange her marriage, essentially keeping her from really feeling vulnerable and “starved” for that emotional connection.
“Wake up!" This is the reason you are not in a relationship (or at least a satisfying one). Clean up the s#!t in your life by ending ambiguous relationships. Keeping a person in your life who you know is probably into you but the feeling is not mutual is a major blockage for your romantic growth. It does not ready you for future relationships, nor does it allow you to live in honesty and integrity with others.
I hear you protesting already: But they choose to pursue me even though I have been clear(ish) about my intentions!
If this were true, they would not be emotionally waiting for you. Were you really honest with this emotional groupie? Do you tell them that you see yourself in the future with someone else? Are you able to tell them the truth? Do you tell them about your current flirtations with others? Are you able to tell them when you are lonely or feeling rejected without it being an opening for them to move in on you emotionally?
If you have one of these emotional parasites in your life, they are sucking the “openness” from your love life.
You are unable to attract the right person while the if-nothing-else-comes-along person is hanging on.
Examine your past errors and make amends. Start now by cleaning up your past and make yourself relationship ready. You will really be ready when you have no plans on a Saturday night because your old standby is not waiting like a puppy for you to be free.